Three Things I Have Learned From Self-Help Books

THREE THINGS I HAVE LEARNED FROM SELF-HELP BOOKS.

As a fully qualified neurotic, I’m rather susceptible to books that offer simple (non-medical) solutions to all my perceived problems. I can’t remember when I read my first self-help book. It was probably shortly after leaving university when I was trying vainly to establish myself as an actor.

I always realised that anyone with the time to read and follow their, often outlandish, prescriptions, plus the inclination to believe that they might actually work, was highly privileged. But that hasn’t stopped me being drawn to them, like a moth to a flame. Over the years I’ve tried nasal breathing, at least twelve types of meditation, chanting, living in the moment, cold showers, broccoli juice, extreme truth telling (otherwise known as ‘how to lose friends and alienate people’) tree hugging, positively affirming, plus a bewildering variety of rejuvenating diets and exercise routines.

My heart always goes out to the poor journalist tasked with cobbling together yet another one of those ‘50 Ways to Feel Happier’ or ‘What Your Hamster Can Teach You About Love’ articles. As with self-help books, the art seems to be saying something glaringly obvious slightly differently from the last fifty ways you said it. Of course, a celebrity writer with an appropriate backstory repeating the same old truism is one way to go, as is linking it to an ancient civilisation or geographical region. Suggesting that spending time with friends and family in cosey surroundings is life enhancing might sound self-evident, but call it the ‘Danish art of Hygge’ and you’ve got a cottage industry on your hands.

And that’s my impression; that self help manuals, say the same old – patently obvious – things over and over again. Perhaps it’s beneficial to remind yourself of them now and then: friendship (generally good) relaxing (to be encouraged) limiting screen time (not a bad wheeze) doing something creative (nice) communing with nature (naturally) living in the present (usually a good thing) etc etc…

But can I think of three useful things I have actually learned and applied positively to my own life, from self-help books? The truth is, probably not. But if I was writing one myself, I’d probably include these:

1. Never forget the inevitability of your own mortality.
2. All criticism is autobiography.
3. If you want to make someone think you’re really interesting, ask them questions about themselves. (This dawned on me when I was about twenty. It may sound a bit cynical, but it does actually work – and as a writer I’ve always been interested in what people say).  

Of course, the other books I’m really susceptible to are books about how to be a successful writer. (Especially ones that tell you how to write a best-seller!) Maybe next time I’ll do ‘Three Things I’ve Learned From Books About Writing’.